Jokes for computer science teachers and geeks alike

Some are original, others, less so...enjoy :-)

STUDENT: It's hot in here. Can I open a window?
TEACHER: Sure, just double click on an icon.

STUDENT: It's hot in here. Can we turn on the air conditioning?
TEACHER: No, because we've got Windows open.

STUDENT: My computer has frozen.
TEACHER: It's not that cold in here, is it?

STUDENT: It's a bit smelly in here.
TEACHER: Yes, it must be the whiffy (Wi-fi) network.

STUDENT: My computer has frozen.
TEACHER: Maybe its got cold because someone left Windows open.

STUDENT: My computer has crashed.
TEACHER: It must have had a bad driver.

Did you know...? Spiders love web sites.

Did you know...? Successful fishermen use The Net.

What is a sheep's favourite web site?
- Ewe-Tube

Hmm, this computer doesn't look well at all. Maybe it has a virus...

Doctor Doctor, I think I'm addicted to Angry Birds.
- Ah yes, I've got a tablet for that.

My computer sings.
It's A-Dell

Why did the birthday boy download lots of programs for his mobile?
- Because he wanted to have a very 'appy birthday.

Why did Santa download lots of programs for his mobile?
- Because he wanted to have a very 'appy Christmas.

Why did the PowerPoint presenter cross the road from one park to another?
- To get to the other slide.

I upgraded my TV from standard definition to high definition. It's my New Year's resolution.

A man chucked his PC out of his top floor apartment.
- It crashed.

Where does Tarzan buy his computers from?
- Amazon, of course.

What do prisoners do when they use a computer?
Look for the escape key.

Do you know what computers like to surf on?
They surf on key-boards.

My computer got upset when I left the caps lock key on by mistake.
It's case sensitive.

Tell a student the answer and they'll ask you more questions. Teach them how to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

TEACHER: Did you find Internet research helpful for your essay assignment?
STUDENT: Yes, I've found seven people that sell them.

Two fonts walk into a bar. Times New Roman and Comic Sans.
- The bar tender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type."

What's a good chat up line for font lovers?
Hey, I love your type.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. It's a hardware problem.

A programmer gets stopped at an airport and is asked, "Do you have anything to declare?"
He answers, yes, three variables and a constant.

Did you know...? A Dutch person has invented shoes that tell you how far you've walked.
- Clever clogs.

How do French people reply when they're asked if they know what the best games console is?

Why didn't the integer and string fall in love? It was a type miss-match.

Every time a programmer went to use a treadmill, it stopped working. He suspected a run-time error.

Why do forgetful programmers write their ideas down on ten-pound notes?
Because it's their cache memory.

Why was the RAM easily angered? Because it was volatile.

What happens to misbehaving ROM chips?
They get sent to boot camp.

A programmer is asked to go to the shops and buy 6 apples, and if they have any pears, to buy 12. He comes home with 12 apples.

The American programmer quit his job after a year. He didn't get arrays. (Think about it...).

(The classic): There are 10 types of people in the world...
...those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Smartphones can be expensive. I just plugged one in and it said it was charging.

A student had a PAYG smartphone and asked for help to check his balance. So I pushed him over.

What do computers do just before going to bed?
Spread sheets.

Why was the computer scary?
Because it had a terrorbyte.

Learning Computer Science is great! Students learn bit by bit....and the revision is all byte-sized.

What did the teacher say when his class finally understood Python Lists?
Hip Hip 'Array!

Be nice to the 'geeks' in school.
- You might end up working for them.

Two bytes meet up in a bar. One asks, "How are you today?". The other replies, "I'm feeling a bit off today."

How does a computer scientist measure your wealth?
By seeing how much cache you have.

What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?

What did the computer say when it saw Miss T?

Be careful about securing your passwords when your friend says he likes phishing.

I changed my password to 'incorrect'. So whenever I forget what it is the computer says "Your password is incorrect". (Not advisable!).

Why were the computer instructions afraid for their lives? Because the processor was good at executing.

A SQL statement walks into a classroom and approaches two tables.
- It says, "May I JOIN you?"

A researcher took his Blackberry to the North Pole.
It froze.

Did you hear about the crazy IT technician who set alight to the side of a house?
He liked a good firewall.

Did you hear what the crazy IT technician said when he reversed into a lamppost?
"I was only backing-up."

F5. That's soooo refreshing.

Why didn't the class laugh at the computer teacher's jokes?
Because they were of variable quality.

Why do Java programmers tend to wear glasses?
Because they can't C#.

A logician enters the classroom and announces, "My wife's just had a baby!"
A student asks, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
He answers, "Yes!".

A feathered bird squawked 'Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven'.
It was a parroty error.

Why did the network manager want to make changes to a network?.
Because the manager wanted a switch.

How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

STUDENT 1: I think our head teachers must be good at LMC.
STUDENT 2: Why is that?
STUDENT 1: Because they're good at assembly language.

Who has the network address FF:FF:FF:FF:FF:FF?
McDonald's of course....because it's a big MAC.

I'm pretty sure that computer memory is feminine - do you know why this is?
Because it has lots of ad-dresses.

Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Because they had constant arguments.

Why did the computer teacher have problems with a class?
Because the wrong methods were being used.

I swapped the 'IF' programming construct in a friend's code, but my friend didn't like the SWITCH.

What do you call it when a programmer looks for a bug in a 'switch' programming construct?
A CASE study.