Jokes for computer science teachers and geeks alike
Some are original, others, less so...enjoy :-)
STUDENT: It's hot in here. Can I open a window?
TEACHER: Sure, just double click on an icon.
STUDENT: It's hot in here. Can we turn on the air conditioning?
TEACHER: No, because we've got Windows open.
STUDENT: My computer has frozen.
TEACHER: It's not that cold in here, is it?
STUDENT: It's a bit smelly in here.
TEACHER: Yes, it must be the whiffy (Wi-fi) network.
STUDENT: My computer has frozen.
TEACHER: Maybe its got cold because someone left Windows open.
STUDENT: My computer has crashed.
TEACHER: It must have had a bad driver.
Did you know...? Spiders love web sites.
Did you know...? Successful fishermen use The Net.
What is a sheep's favourite web site?
Hmm, this computer doesn't look well at all. Maybe it has a virus...
Doctor Doctor, I think I'm addicted to Angry Birds.
- Ah yes, I've got a tablet for that.
My computer sings.
Why did the birthday boy download lots of programs for his mobile?
- Because he wanted to have a very 'appy birthday.
Why did Santa download lots of programs for his mobile?
- Because he wanted to have a very 'appy Christmas.
Why did the PowerPoint presenter cross the road from one park to another?
- To get to the other slide.
I upgraded my TV from standard definition to high definition. It's my New Year's resolution.
A man chucked his PC out of his top floor apartment.
- It crashed.
Where does Tarzan buy his computers from?
- Amazon, of course.
What do prisoners do when they use a computer?
Look for the escape key.
Do you know what computers like to surf on?
They surf on key-boards.
My computer got upset when I left the caps lock key on by mistake.
It's case sensitive.
Tell a student the answer and they'll ask you more questions. Teach them how to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
TEACHER: Did you find Internet research helpful for your essay assignment?
STUDENT: Yes, I've found seven people that sell them.
Two fonts walk into a bar. Times New Roman and Comic Sans.
- The bar tender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type."
What's a good chat up line for font lovers?
Hey, I love your type.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. It's a hardware problem.
A programmer gets stopped at an airport and is asked, "Do you have anything to declare?"
He answers, yes, three variables and a constant.
Did you know...? A Dutch person has invented shoes that tell you how far you've walked.
- Clever clogs.
How do French people reply when they're asked if they know what the best games console is?
Why didn't the integer and string fall in love? It was a type miss-match.
Every time a programmer went to use a treadmill, it stopped working. He suspected a run-time error.
Why do forgetful programmers write their ideas down on ten-pound notes?
Because it's their cache memory.
Why was the RAM easily angered? Because it was volatile.
What happens to misbehaving ROM chips?
They get sent to boot camp.
A programmer is asked to go to the shops and buy 6 apples, and if they have any pears, to buy 12. He comes home with 12 apples.
The American programmer quit his job after a year. He didn't get arrays. (Think about it...).
(The classic): There are 10 types of people in the world...
...those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Smartphones can be expensive. I just plugged one in and it said it was charging.
A student had a PAYG smartphone and asked for help to check his balance. So I pushed him over.
What do computers do just before going to bed?
Why was the computer scary?
Because it had a terrorbyte.
Learning Computer Science is great! Students learn bit by bit....and the revision is all byte-sized.
What did the teacher say when his class finally understood Python Lists?
Hip Hip 'Array!
Be nice to the 'geeks' in school.
- You might end up working for them.
Two bytes meet up in a bar. One asks, "How are you today?". The other replies, "I'm feeling a bit off today."
How does a computer scientist measure your wealth?
By seeing how much cache you have.
What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
What did the computer say when it saw Miss T?
I C T
Be careful about securing your passwords when your friend says he likes phishing.
I changed my password to 'incorrect'. So whenever I forget what it is the computer says "Your password is incorrect". (Not advisable!).
Why were the computer instructions afraid for their lives? Because the processor was good at executing.
A SQL statement walks into a classroom and approaches two tables.
- It says, "May I JOIN you?"
A researcher took his Blackberry to the North Pole.
Did you hear about the crazy IT technician who set alight to the side of a house?
He liked a good firewall.
Did you hear what the crazy IT technician said when he reversed into a lamppost?
"I was only backing-up."
F5. That's soooo refreshing.
Why didn't the class laugh at the computer teacher's jokes?
Because they were of variable quality.
Why do Java programmers tend to wear glasses?
Because they can't C#.
A logician enters the classroom and announces, "My wife's just had a baby!"
A student asks, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
He answers, "Yes!".
A feathered bird squawked 'Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven'.
It was a parroty error.
Why did the network manager want to make changes to a network?.
Because the manager wanted a switch.
How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
STUDENT 1: I think our head teachers must be good at LMC.
STUDENT 2: Why is that?
STUDENT 1: Because they're good at assembly language.
Who has the network address FF:FF:FF:FF:FF:FF?
McDonald's of course....because it's a big MAC.
I'm pretty sure that computer memory is feminine - do you know why this is?
Because it has lots of ad-dresses.
Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Because they had constant arguments.
Why did the computer teacher have problems with a class?
Because the wrong methods were being used.
I swapped the 'IF' programming construct in a friend's code, but my friend didn't like the SWITCH.
What do you call it when a programmer looks for a bug in a 'switch' programming construct?
A CASE study.